“As long as I see any thing to be done for God, life is
worth having; but O how vain and unworthy it is to live for
any lower end!”
– David Brainerd

Now I had never heard of David Brainerd until this morning, and for a reason unbeknownest to myself I felt a need to find out who this individual was. While it would be difficult to elaborate on what I found, I could tell you that he was a missionary to the natives in early America. For many of his years he kept a journal of his wrestlings with God, which were published after his death at age 29 from tuberculosis. Sounds like a book I might need to read. Here is an entry I found online (not sure of the year):

“Friday, Feb. 10. Was exceedingly oppressed, most of the day, with shame, grief, and fear, under a sense of my past folly, as well as present barrenness and coldness. When God sets before me my past misconduct, especially any instances of misguided zeal, it sinks my soul into shame and confusion, makes me afraid of a shaking leaf. My fear is such as the prophet Jeremy complains of, Jer. xx. 10.–I have no confidence to hold up my face, even before my fellow-worms; but only when my soul confides in God, and I find the sweet temper of Christ, the spirit of humility, solemnity, and mortification, and resignation, alive in my soul.–But, in the evening, was unexpectedly refreshed in pouring out my complaint to God; my shame and fear was turned into a sweet composure and acquiescence in God.”

WOW!!!